


Daybreak Part Two

by aahrtyeah



Series: Daybreak Series [3]
Category: Star Wars (Marvel Comics), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: A New Dawn - John Jackson Miller, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Queer Character, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29546556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aahrtyeah/pseuds/aahrtyeah
Summary: "He knew the sort, having wooed a university woman or ten on more upscale worlds." Inspired by this single line from Star Wars: A New Dawn, this fic acts as prequel to the book, exploring a time pre-Hera. Kanan tries to ignore his trauma-filled past while figuring out how to handle non-attachment, women, and what he really feels about the Jedi Order.Finding himself on a small rural moon for a summer of farming, Kanan is surrounded by people his own age for the first time in years. Salia catches his eye, but is reluctant to be reeled in easily and Kanan accepts the challenge.As Kanan and Salia open up to each other, Kanan learns, though, that she too has her own history.THIS IS PART TWO, please find part one in the series "Daybreak"
Relationships: Depa Billaba & Kanan Jarrus, Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla, Kanan Jarrus/Original Character(s), Kanan Jarrus/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Daybreak Series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2121402
Comments: 24
Kudos: 11





	1. What's Funny?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! You've made it! 
> 
> If you would like to know what song I had in my head for their first dance together, it was "Bright Suns" from the album "Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge Oga's Caninta: R3X's Playlist #1"

After a quick stop at the refresher and getting dressed for a night out, Salia and Kanan walked down to the Outpost, their usual evening activity. Salia was a little more dressed up than normal for when they usually went and she had seen Kanan eyeing her in the form-fitting dress. She expected it’d be a late night. 

She’d expected, too, that their first time would be fine. She always set fairly low expectations for new partners, not that she’d had that many, but she had been around enough to know that it took time for people to learn what the other liked and didn’t like. Having a low bar was good for avoiding disappointment, Salia had gathered. Kanan had actually done better than she’d anticipated, though he seemed to be a little disappointed in himself. She squeezed his hand a little tighter, remembering it, as they walked down the street together. 

They’d run out of things to casually talk about, but the silence was comfortable. Salia would fill him in on what she’d discussed with Sola when they made it to the noisy bar.  _ And maybe there will be some dancing _ , Salia hoped. She still hadn’t managed to get Kanan out on the dance floor. 

“I don’t think I’m going to drink a lot tonight,” Kanan said, kind of out of the blue. “Not after this morning.” His eyes grew wide with the memory. “Will you help me with that?” he asked. 

“Sure, though I don’t think you’ll need it,” Salia answered. They turned into the bar and, as expected, Selda and the slower drinks were back. The bar was also busier than when they normally walked in since it was later in the evening. It’d be a slow night for drinks no matter what. “Oh, there’s Baraga and Sola, you want to go sit with them?” Salia asked, spotting them in their usual booth. 

Kanan grimaced. “Are they going to tease us?” he asked, unusually uncomfortable. 

Salia frowned slightly. “Yeah, I guess they might,” she supposed. “We can sit somewhere else if you want.” 

Kanan shrugged. “Eh, I mean I get you all to myself the rest of the weekend, don’t I?” He perked up at that idea. 

“We can always leave, too, if we need to,” Salia suggested. 

Kanan nodded and they walked over to that booth after nabbing a couple of drinks from Selda at the bar and putting in an order for some dinner. 

“Oh, hello, why if it isn’t the young lovers,” Baraga said when he saw them. 

“Hello.” Salia eyes flashed as she smiled at Baraga, scooting in to be next to Sola.

“Well, how’d it go?” Baraga asked, jubilant. Sola jabbed him with her elbow. “Ouch, okay, sorry, you don’t have to answer that.” 

“It’s actually really convenient that you are both here,” Salia said, bringing a formality to the table that she didn’t think Baraga was really sober enough to appreciate. “Sola and I had some ideas about changing our source of intel.” 

“Oh, yeah, that, Sola already told me,” Baraga began until Sola shot him a hard look. “I need another drink,” he muttered. 

“What are you thinking?” Kanan asked. 

“Well, you remember our  _ friend _ ,” Salia said adding very quietly, “Olan Prine?” 

Kanan nodded. “He’s a little hard to forget.” 

Sola nodded her agreement. “We heard him mouthing off last night,” she informed Kanan. “Says he’s doing some clerical grunt work for the local officers.” 

“So, you want to sidle up to him to make him talk or can I lay a few hard hits into him?” Kanan asked, showing for the first time Salia had ever seen it, a penchant for violence. It gave her pause for a moment, especially considering he wouldn’t let her go yell at Prine, but she could ask him about it later. 

“I think that’s kind of Plan A and Plan B,” Sola answered, squinting a little and sounding uncertain. 

Salia nodded. “Yeah, I think we ask Aeshi if they’ll help us out on this one and, if not, make something happen,” Salia affirmed, waving her hands to indicate that the violence would not be coming from her. 

“Why Aeshi?” Kanan asked.

“They’re on pretty good terms, oddly enough,” Baraga piped up, a little hint of a joke there. He winced preemptively when his eyes met Sola’s, hands flying up defensively. 

“They’re in the same classes a lot of the time and get along okay,” Salia further explained. 

“So, we were hoping that Aeshi would convince Prine to take them to the office, giving Aeshi the chance to check the files for a more specific location,” Sola pressed on. 

“Aeshi hasn’t really shown any interest in this Trigo business before. Are you sure they’d want to help now?” Kanan asked. 

Salia stepped in. “Aeshi was part of our group--the Ellay--but when things went south… we don’t talk about it much, but it was really hard for them, I think. In a different way from the rest of us.” 

“I think they just want to ignore it now,” Sola added. “ _ It _ being Trigo, the Empire, all of it.” 

Kanan nodded, rubbing his chin for a moment. “And Plan B?” Kanan remembered, smirking a little. 

“Plan B would, I believe, be you and me taking him to a dark alley and hoping he doesn’t tattle when it’s all over,” Baraga said. 

Kanan nodded. “Not a great option,” he acknowledged. 

“A terrible one, really,” Baraga agreed. 

“Maybe, in case of Plan B, we ask Aeshi to kind of keep him occupied long enough to give us time to get up and moving?” Kanan suggested. 

Baraga looked impressed and Sola and Salia were both nodding. “Didn’t know we had a strategist here,” Sola commented, nudging Salia. Salia was not sure why she was embarrassed at the gentle tease. 

Kanan tried to play it cool with a smile and a shrug, but Salia could see some discomfort there that she thought the others wouldn’t notice. “Eh, what can I say?” he asked. 

The food Kanan and Salia had ordered arrived which cut the tactical team meeting short and meant Baraga could start talking about nearly whatever he wanted, without much consequence. So, he started telling Salia about how buying supplies the day before had gone, stealing some of Kanan’s food occasionally (with some “hey”s of protest). Kanan had not told Salia about running into Imperial officers and she was surprised about it. Both that it had happened and that he hadn’t told her. 

Before too long, Kanan and Salia had finished their food, having had a second drink shortly after. “Well, I think we should dance,” Baraga suggested. 

Kanan rolled his eyes, Salia saw. She leaned in and whispered into his ear, “You can show me off in this dress.” She watched his eyes light up. 

“I am a terrible dancer,” he returned, a somewhat apologetic look in his eyes. 

Salia shrugged. “I highly doubt that, but it’s okay if you are.” 

They all stood up and headed out. Salia heard Baraga mutter to Sola “What was  _ that _ ?” with a gesture towards her and Kanan. He had a big smile and so did Sola. Salia grabbed Kanan’s arm and hugged it to her body, looking over to see him squinting at the other two. 

“I haven’t had enough to drink for this,” he said quietly. 

Salia chuckled. “Remember you weren’t going to drink very much?” she reminded him, guiding him to the dance floor where a song with a heavy beat was playing. He rolled his eyes at her reminder, but smiled. Salia put her hands on the back of his neck and felt his hands on her sides. 

Salia got into the beat pretty quickly and easily, moving her hips and feet without much concern for what others thought about her. Her focus was on Kanan and what he thought of her. She put her forehead on his and helped him into the music since he was clearly feeling uncomfortable. She felt his hands on her back now, their bodies pressed close. 

Kanan loosened up and Salia had fun, though she wasn’t sure if Kanan was enjoying himself. Salia at one point turned around and saw Sola and Baraga dancing, naturally and energetically. Baraga was sweaty and dancing well and Salia already knew Sola was amazing. Salia checked to see what Kanan was thinking and saw that he was looking a little apprehensive. She turned back around to wrap her arms around his neck and get in close. Maybe if she could remind him that they were just there, the two of them, then he wouldn’t be so uncomfortable. 

After a few upbeat songs, a slower one came on and the floor cleared out somewhat. Kanan and Salia side stepped simply, as the song dictated. Salia was sure Baraga and Sola were waltzing or something behind her, but she didn’t care. “Thanks for putting up with this,” she said to Kanan. 

“I hope I did okay,” he said, frowning a little. 

Salia smiled and pressed her cheek to his. “You did great,” she assured him. “Do you want to head back?”

“Yes please,” Kanan returned timidly. 

Salia’s heart melted, knowing that he had put up with dancing for her. She gave him a hug and took him by the hand back to their table. 

“Oh, I thought you meant  _ back _ ,” Kanan said with a little awkwardness, gesturing to the door. 

“Oh I did,” Salia said with a wink and a nod. He gawked at her for a moment which she enjoyed watching before turning to walk to the bar; it was easier to get out this way than through the standing tables. Kanan picked up the tab at the bar on the way out, as he often did, and they headed out into the unusually cool night air. 

“Thanks again,” Salia said, taking his arm. 

“Eh, no problem,” Kanan responded with something like a shrug. “I didn’t do a lot of dancing growing up,” he told her, like he’d been holding on to it for a while. 

“Really?” Salia asked with some disbelief. “Even when you were little?” 

He nodded, “Yeah, not even when I was little.” He said, a small smile on his lips. “Not a lot of music either,” he shook his head, raising his eyebrows. Salia was surprised. “I’m guessing that’s not normal either?” he asked, looking over to her, scratching his forehead briefly. 

“No, not really,” she told him. She guessed there were places that were both more and less musical than Kiffu, but almost no music had to be pretty rare. “No music at all?” she asked. 

“Well, not  _ no _ music. We did have very somber music on special occasions.” Kanan told her with the air of a joke that was more true than funny. He smiled over at her. “We did have dance classes, though.” 

Salia was utterly confused now. “What?” 

Kanan laughed lightly. “Yeah, just for formal dancing. If the need ever arose,” he explained. 

“Your family sounds very strange,” said Salia, “no offense.”

Kanan nodded with a chuckle. “No, they were, none taken.” He sighed and looked out into the street. They were getting close to the dorms now. “I didn’t really think about it at the time,” he began. “But they had a lot of weird things they wanted for me. I mean, we’ve talked about it a bit, I guess. The big things were weird and I kind of knew that immediately after getting out on my own. But the small things are starting to look bad to me, too, now.” 

Salia hugged his arm to her. “They were probably trying their best,” she said quietly. 

He pursed his lips. “Yeah, I think you’re right,” he agreed. He looked like he had something more to say. 

“But?” Salia prodded gently. 

Kanan met her eyes for a moment, apprehensively. “But they were still wrong about a lot, you know?” 

Salia nodded. “Yeah, I do know.” 

They made it to her room before too long and Kanan sat down on the chair with a sigh. 

“So, what are you thinking?” Salia asked. 

Kanan looked up at her a little uncertain. He smiled and shook his head. 

“What?” Salia couldn’t stop the grin that appeared. 

Kanan laughed,  _ at himself _ she thought, shaking his head still. He finally looked up at her and, with a bit of a flush in his face said, “I think I need another chance to prove myself.” 

Salia frowned. “You already did great,” she informed him. 

“If you say so,” Kanan said, standing up and striding slowly over. “Can I try again anyway?” he asked, putting his hand on her arm. There was none of his usual cockiness here and it was endearing.

Salia smirked. “Be my guest,” she answered coyly. 

  
  


“Long day?” Kanan asked. It was about three weeks later and in that time, the couple had become even more close; they sometimes walked to work together in the mornings and always walked home together. Salia had even nixed her previously “not on work nights” stipulations about late evenings, so they often asked Sola or Baraga to trade rooms. 

They’d fallen into a comfortable routine and, while they sometimes had very little to say, since they’d spent so much time together, it didn’t feel uncomfortable. The silences were easy and often led to enjoying each other’s company in other ways. Kanan had gotten his bravado back and knew what clicked with Salia and what didn’t now. Well, he probably didn’t completely know those things, but he’d learned a lot. And she had started giving him a lot more praise, which didn’t hurt anything.

Salia had even gotten Kanan to watch some classic holos he’d never seen. Salia had been shocked to learn that he’d never watched a holodrama before and had gotten right to work, collecting the best ones she could find. It was not something Kanan had ever imagined for himself, but he had enjoyed a few of them. 

The rock of their routine was going to the Outpost nearly every night. Both of them enjoyed getting a few drinks and cozying up together, sometimes even when their friends were at the table. Kanan had even tried dancing again--it did not go better. So, there they were headed now to go throw back a couple of Kiffar ales and enjoy the ambiance before heading back to Kanan’s room for their weekend together. 

Salia sighed and nodded, answering Kanan’s question. She pulled her hair out of its ponytail and wiped her face of the sweat that lingered there. It had been hotter than usual that day, and they’d needed to work harder than normal as well, weeding. “I’m ready for a cold one,” she told him. 

“Me too,” Kanan agreed. His big farmer’s hat was sticking to his forehead, more uncomfortable than normal. “Did you get any updates from Aeshi last night?” he checked in. He hadn’t been made the lead on this whole operation, but the group had started deferring to him recently on matters of how to proceed. Salia had the last say, and Baraga had a vested interest, but neither of them was objective enough to make good judgments.  _ And neither of them had any experience in the Clone Wars _ , Kanan thought ruefully. 

“Oh, yeah,” Salia said, pointing a finger. “They’re still playing that long game. They said Prine didn’t seem to be catching on to the goal of the whole thing. Just seemed flattered, apparently.” 

“Good,” Kanan nodded. “Well, if Aeshi can just get in, we should be good to go.” He looked over to see what Salia thought of it. Her expression was neutral, or maybe a little tired, but not much changed with that information. 

“What do we do if he finds out, again?” she asked, looking too tired to focus, and in fact shaking her head at herself, seemingly frustrated. 

“Give him the old K.O. and just go get those messages to Trigo,” he explained. 

“How will we know where to go?” Salia asked, tone indicating she thought she should already know, but actually their Plan B had assumed they’d already gotten the information when Prine found out. Kanan had been thinking about a Plan C, but had not discussed it yet. 

“If we haven’t already gotten a location, we’d have to st-- _ borrow _ his access card to the Imperial Office and find the file ourselves,” Kanan suggested. “Or we could try to get it out of him directly.” Salia had not liked when Kanan had suggested more violent or criminal methods of solving problems, so he tried to avoid looking like he enjoyed it, but it had been a while since he’d knocked any heads and he wouldn’t mind knocking Olan’s. 

“Two bad options,” Salia said, holding her chin, lips pursed. 

Kanan shrugged. “Let’s just hope we don’t get to Plan C,” he said with a crooked smile. 

When they got to the outpost, Selda, the usual bartender, was gone and it seemed like the stars had aligned for a good night. Whatever hangover would come, Kanan could sleep off since there was no work in the morning. He did remember that being incredibly drunk usually inhibited his nighttime activities and decided that he would not get completely soused. He opted to buy them both dinner, hoping that would help keep things in check. 

A couple drinks and dinner later, Sola, Baraga and Aeshi showed up looking neat and tidy, like they’d had showers. The gang had a good time, chatting about nothing--mentioning their Trigo plans only when Baraga said that, yes, he did have everything packed just in case. Kanan even got out on the dance floor, feeling buzzed enough to maybe have a good time with it. 

This bartender was especially liberal with shots; Kanan was glad because he could dance to a hard beat with relative comfort for the first time. He looked around at the girl he was dating and his friends-- _ yeah, my friends! Who would have thought?  _ This was good. This was something Kanan could get used to. 

The gang closed the place out and headed back to the dorms, having had a lot to drink, but only Baraga had overdone it. They had made it to the door for Kanan and Baraga’s room. “Oh, I gotta go grab my stuff,” Baraga said, attempting to run up quickly. 

“Do you need anything?” Kanan asked Salia. 

She shook her head and then stopped, remembering something. “I need clothes,” she explained. “I’ll just be a second.” She headed off in the direction of her building, further down the way. 

There was a minute of awkwardness between Kanan, Sola and Aeshi. Aeshi sniffed and then said, “Well, it’s been cool, but I’ll see you later.” But before they could get to the door, there was a sound echoing across the alley. A yelp. 

Kanan looked to the sound immediately and started bounding over almost instantly. Something had told him to just move.  _ But not too fast _ , he reminded himself. He saw Salia standing out in the middle of the alleyway, defensively positioning her arms in front of her and looking suspiciously into the darkness. Running up to stand between Salia and the dark, he asked urgently, “Are you okay?” 

“Yes, but--”

“Ah, the lone wolf, drifter boyfriend,” Olan Prine’s voice came over. He was chuckling with a smirk. “I should’ve known you’d be here.” 

“Care to let me in on the  _ joke _ ?” Kanan asked. 

Prine stood up off the wall he’d been leaning against and examined his finger nails. “Oh, I was just telling Gris here that I know where her scoundrel brother is.” He seemed very drunk. 

Kanan’s adrenaline was looking for an outlet, but he wanted to play it cool. He knew he was a little inebriated and he knew Salia wouldn’t like a fight, but all the same, his hands balled into fists at his sides. “I don’t get it, what’s funny?” he questioned, voice soaked in distaste. 

The laugh that burst from Prine was unusual, giddy and cruel. “Oh, you don’t understand,” he began. “You know he was locked up for treason, right? Acts of sedition, as I recall. We all remember. Well, all of us students.” He looked at Kanan pointedly. 

_ I don’t have time for this _ , Kanan thought. In nearly the blink of an eye, he was near Prine, grabbing the collar of his shirt and holding him up off the ground. Kanan slammed his lanky body against the wall and Prine groaned. Kanan grinned slightly, his jaw clenched shut. “I already asked,  _ buddy. _ What’s  _ funny _ ?” he growled. 

Olan Prine’s jaw dropped comically. “They’re taking him to the spice mines on Kessel in two days,” he choked out, trying to breathe but struggling to do so, pressed between Kanan’s arms and the wall. “That’s a death sentence.” 

Kanan heard Salia gasp behind him. “Where are they moving him from?” Kanan demanded, voice more even now that he knew Prine didn’t need much intimidation to talk. 

“Cynan Camp,” he wheezed. “70 clicks west.” 

Kanan dropped him to his feet and straightened his shirt while Prine struggled to look less rumpled. “Well, now that that’s over with,” Kanan said simply, clapping a firm hand on Prine’s shoulder. Then Kanan pulled his other fist back and rammed it into Prine’s chin, forcing his jaw straight back. The lanky young man teetered for a moment before toppling and Kanan looked up to Salia, uncertain what she’d think.

Her face was tear-stained.


	2. Who are You?

Baraga and Sola came from nearby to stand with Salia. Aeshi had been standing nearby, but not so near that Prine would’ve seen them. _Smart_. They walked over now too. Salia was looking at the ground when Baraga and Sola put their arms around her. 

“What happened?” Baraga asked Kanan, who could feel his knuckles starting to bruise. 

“We got Trigo’s location, but they’re moving him,” Kanan said briefly. “Soon.”

“How soon?” Baraga followed up. 

Kanan looked intently into Salia’s face, wanting to hold her now. “Two days,” Kanan muttered quietly. 

Baraga sputtered in disbelief. Salia sobbed and stepped up to Kanan, her head down, and suddenly buried in his chest. Kanan put his arms around her and rubbed her back. 

Sola, Kanan saw, had put a hand on Baraga’s arm, looking sad. _Had she been near enough to hear?_ _Did she know what deep sadness was looming for Baraga?_ Kanan returned his attention back to Salia. He could be with her, present in this moment, but their clock was already ticking. 

“Guess we’d better get moving,” Baraga peeped up, looking to Kanan for support or confirmation. 

Kanan nodded. “Sola, go get Baraga’s supplies,” Kanan directed. “Aeshi, do you think you can keep Prine occupied for twelve to twenty four hours?” 

Aeshi nodded with some uncertainty. They looked like they had more to say, but didn’t speak up, so Kanan continued, “Thank you. Baraga, you carry that sorry nerf-herder to wherever Aeshi wants him. Meet back here when you’re done, but make it quick. No more than fifteen minutes.” 

Salia was still sobbing, her body shaking now as Baraga scooped up the limp but still breathing body in his arms. Kanan looked down to plant a kiss on the top of her head. Kanan had not been trying to tune in to the Force, but could easily feel her sorrow and anxiety. _Oh kriff_ , Kanan thought. 

“Salia?” Kanan asked cautiously. She stopped enough to look up at him with puffy eyes. “I need to get something from my room.” 

“Can’t Sola?” Salia croaked, wiping her face now. 

Kanan pursed his lips slightly, thinking. “Yeah, I guess so,” he conceded. He raised his com, but didn’t have Sola’s information readily available. 

Salia set it and pressed the call button with a shaky, “Sola?” 

“Yeah,” Sola said on the other end of it. 

“Sola, I need you to dig through my personal bag for a canvas riflescope bag and a loose blaster, can you do that?” Kanan chanced a glance down at Salia who was actively gaping at him, new tears forming in her eyes. 

“Let me do it right now while I have you on the com,” Sola answered. 

Kanan squeezed Salia tightly and put a kiss on her forehead. “I love you,” he whispered quietly. 

Salia didn’t respond, she just buried her head in his chest and let the new tears flow. 

“Okay, I think I’ve got the riflescope bag,” Sola said from the com in Salia’s hand. She lifted it up feebly. “It’s pretty weird though.” 

“Just the light brown bag with a loop,” Kanan said. 

“Yeah, sounds right. And here’s the blaster. You want me to get anything else?” 

“No,” Kanan nearly barked. “No, that’s good, thank you.” A Jedi holocron rested in that bag, and anymore prying might uncover it. 

Kanan had lost his good blaster in a sabacc game and hadn’t found one he’d liked yet; he’d been spending so much time with Salia and he knew she wouldn’t want to shop for weapons. Plus, he really hadn’t seen a need here on Rori, even in the context of this mission. The lightsaber housed in that riflescope bag was purely a last resort option. 

“Alright,” Sola said, com light going out shortly after. 

Salia dropped her arm, slipping Kanan’s com back into his pocket. Her weeping had subsided somewhat, but Kanan knew this would be the last slow moment they’d get just themselves before things started moving. It was a little bit make or break what happened now, what words he said, what comfort he offered. 

He reached a hand around to her wet cheek and rubbed her qukuuf with his thumb, as he often did. She looked up at him with a sad smile. “Kanan,” she whispered, seemingly on the edge of another bout of sobbing. Kanan shushed her and kissed her forehead again. Salia pulled his face down and kissed him fully and fervently, looking for comfort. They broke apart when footsteps approached. 

“You are strong, Salia,” Kanan told her. She smiled and coughed, embarrassed, sad and flattered all in one moment. 

“I love you too,” she whispered back, ignoring whatever person from their group had stopped nearby. They shared a brief kiss before turning to see who had made it back. It was Baraga, looking a little sweaty. 

“I got us a speeder,” he announced with an enormous smile, holding up a key card. 

  
  


“When you said you got a speeder, I thought, ‘What the hell person was dumb enough to lend _you_ a speeder?’ but, now I see; we’re the fools for taking it,” Kanan said, walking around the very old land speeder they’d been loaned. Baraga threw the bag of stuff into the back and started to climb into the driver’s seat. 

“No,” Sola corrected, pushing Baraga into the passenger seat. 

“What? Why?” Baraga protested. 

“You’re drunk and a horrible driver,” Sola explained simply. “Get in the back, you two,” she called back to Kanan and Salia. 

Salia was feeling numb and trying to understand what was happening, but was struggling. She had confirmation that Trigo was alive. What a thrill that had been! Only to find out that he would soon be worked to death for _spice_. Kanan guided her gently to the backseat, putting an arm around her. 

“Alright, let’s get moving,” Sola said, zipping off rather quickly just before curfew began. Salia saw Kanan looking at something, probably a chrono. He seemed so calm and collected, but also focused and driven in a way she hadn’t seen. _That punch_ , she remembered. She’d decided not to focus on figuring out Kanan’s past a while ago, but that punch had shocked her. She had wondered if she even knew the man she said she loved--that she _did_ feel love for. How could she know him so well and so little at the same time? She looked over to him now, wondering still, _who is he?_

Kanan seemed to feel her eyes on him because he looked over with searching eyes, trying to gauge what Salia needed. She found herself reaching up to rub his cheek, stubbly now as they got into these later hours. She smiled a little at the feel, comforted in knowing that the stubble was here now because it had been last night that he’d last shaved--she’d been there when he’d done it. _I do know him_ , she reminded herself. 

“So, where are they moving Trigo?” Baraga asked somewhat casually. 

No one spoke. Salia saw Sola look to Kanan nervously. 

“Kessel,” Salia heard herself say. 

She watched as Baraga gaped. _Even rural Naboo knows how bad that news is_ , she thought ruefully. 

After some time, Baraga turned around in his seat to look at Kanan. “We gotta break him out,” he said. “We gotta save him,” pleading now. 

Kanan pursed his lips. “We’re not ready for that kind of operation--”

“We have to!” Baraga raised his voice, tears in his eyes. “No one deserves that death! No one!” He turned back around and began to cry, holding his face in his hands. 

Sola reached over and touched his shoulder, focusing on the driving as well. Salia had nothing to give Baraga; she was thinking now about what he’d said, about saving him. The words were still hanging in the air in front of her. Before, all she’d wanted to know that he was alive, but now, knowing that his death was certain, a life on the run seemed better. Could they give that to him? To Baraga and Trigo? 

Salia weighed the options deliberately. The pros and cons were not new, she’d gone through them a thousand times, maybe more, but the context was new and they deserved to be revisited. Salia felt Kanan’s eyes on her a few times, but she couldn’t be distracted yet. She laid her head on his shoulder, slouching slightly to make it happen, and continued to wonder if there was any way to rescue Trigo. 

Kanan reached around with his free hand and rubbed Salia’s neck. She calmed down enough to doze after that. 

They made it to the place Salia had marked out on the map as where she suspected the camp to be. Turned out she’d been damn near right. As they’d approached, they’d seen a southbound road and the top of a watch tower. The camp, Kanan gathered, was on the other side of the rare landscape variance of large boulders, trees, and a river. The physical barrier of the river was of some concern to Kanan right now. The camp had probably been placed here in part because the river would act as a cheaper fence than durasteel. Kanan had accepted that they would get there when they got there and he hoped everyone else could be quick thinking or able to follow directions with little to no sleep and high stress. He knew he could. 

Sola had expertly parked the speeder in a relatively enclosed alcove that still had an easy way to back out. _Thinking ahead_ , Kanan thought. Salia woke up and looked around to get her bearings. Kanan pulled himself out from under her and looked now to the other two. They were turned towards Kanan, arms resting on the back of their bench seat. Feeling the weight of responsibility, he thought quickly, putting into words the plans he’d been mulling over during the ride. 

“We have to get back late enough in the day tomorrow that it’s not obvious we were breaking curfew. That doesn’t mean we have to camp out exactly, but I think it’d be good to try to get a little rest while somebody does some scouting,” Kanan explained. “We have enough time to be careful with this.” 

They nodded or stared, tired, at him. He looked around to double check they all understood and, after seeing no obvious puzzlement, he nodded with an “okay” and started getting out of the speeder. He walked around to the back and grabbed the large bag of supplies while the rest of them clambered out of the speeder. Kanan walked around into the small thicket of trees, looking for a spot clear enough to camp in, but close enough to the speeder that they could get away fast if needed. The ground was, thankfully, very dry, unlike town and the farm. It was also noticeably cooler here than it had been. Kanan regretted slightly wearing his shorts and not grabbing any other clothes. 

He found a spot that their tent would fit into snugly and double checked the area for any traps or monitoring devices-- _you never know_. “Over here,” he called back when he decided this spot was good. He could see the boulder that concealed their borrowed transportation, though the brush was tall enough that he thought most of the tent would be concealed. The others came over and he threw the bag of supplies down on the ground, digging around for that riflescope bag to shove into his pocket. His hat was hanging off his neck, resting on his back and his relatively empty canteen was unnecessary. He dropped the canteen down with the other things but kept the hat on, not expecting to need it, but not bothered by it. 

He turned to the group who looked worn out. Sola was the only one who looked like she could manage to do anything. “Set up this tent and keep an eye out just in case,” Kanan directed. “I’ll go scout out the area.” 

“Kanan,” Salia said quietly. He wasn’t sure what was in her tone, but when he looked to her, he saw concern. “Let me come along,” she requested. 

Kanan pursed his lips. “You should probably get some rest. We don’t know what--”

“Let me come,” Salia said more firmly. 

Kanan thought for a beat, _not a good idea_ , but gave in with a nod. He turned back to Baraga and Sola. “Try to get some rest,” he suggested. 

Salia tied her hair up in her ponytail and gave Kanan a cautious smile before they stomped into the brush and brambles in the direction of, presumably the river and camp. It was not easy walking and Kanan could feel the shrubs scratching at his bare legs. 

“How are you so good at this?” Salia asked after a while, attempting to sound casual. 

Kanan took a moment to consider his answer. “I was out on my own pretty young,” he began. “Had to get street smart pretty fast.” _Not to mention fighting in a war._

Salia was silent behind him at first. “Who are you, Kanan Jarrus?” she finally asked, hint of accusation in her voice. 

Kanan stopped and turned to look at her, feeling the tension in her voice. She had been watching her feet carefully and nearly ran into him after his sudden stop. 

“Does it matter?” he asked, quietly, as gently as he could manage in spite of feeling defensive. She had defended him against the people who had been bothered by his not being a student. What was her worry? 

Salia hung her head and Kanan, realizing he had perhaps been too brusque, took her arms in his hands. “I am a man who loves a woman,” he offered. “I am who I am now and here. Not who I was or will be.” Salia looked up at him now, tears welling up in her eyes. Kanan smiled sadly. “I’m sorry for all this,” Kanan whispered. “I want to tell you everything.”

Salia’s eyes were hopeful and bright. Then she squinted at him with a knowing smirk. “But?” she asked.

“I just can’t do it yet,” he confessed. “I trust you, though. Can you trust me?” 

Salia looked from one of his eyes to the other, searching him for something. “Yes,” she finally said. She leaned in for a kiss, less forward than usual. Kanan’s heart broke a little, noticing her vulnerability. He leaned in and kissed her, trying to communicate simply “I love you.” Salia wrapped her arms around him, pulling him tight and close to her. Kanan returned the gesture, trying to keep the anxiety about finishing the scouting at bay. 

When Salia pulled away, their eyes met. “We should get moving,” she said. 

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” Kanan agreed with a smirk. 

  
  


“The river is going to be a problem,” Kanan said quietly to Salia as they looked from the thicket. The sight they’d found was in some ways better than Salia had expected, but Kanan was right--the river would be the hardest thing about getting their messages to Trigo. The camp was smaller than Salia had imagined, but still too big for her taste. _So many people…_ There were no visible fences, though, and apart from the tall watchtower, there seemed to be almost no troopers. Altogether, this mission seemed safer than any of them could’ve expected. 

Kanan sat back against a tree, out of his crouch. Salia followed suit and waited. Kanan was looking thoughtfully at the ground. “It…” he began. Then he shook his head and waved his hand, maybe trying to get rid of the thought. 

“What?” Salia asked. 

He met her eyes for a moment, apprehension etched in his expression. He looked back over to the camp and held his chin in his hand. “It might be easier to break him out than I thought,” he said evenly. He looked back over to Salia. “If you and Baraga want to do it, we can try,” he offered. “I don’t know how you’d get him off-planet. He has your qukuuf, right?” Kanan asked. 

Salia nodded solemnly, trying to stem the flood of hope surging through her. 

“Yeah,” Kanan let out, folding his arms and shaking his head. “I can’t think of any way you could get him into a spaceport and out of here--” His voice caught, having had some inspiration. “Baraga knows people on Naboo, right? Do they have a freighter or anything?” 

“I don’t know if they do,” Salia answered. “You want to smuggle him out?” 

“Yeah, maybe with the livestock,” Kanan uttered. Salia couldn’t tell if he was joking. He stood up slowly and turned to head back. “We’d better go try to rest a bit ourselves.” 

The walk back was faster than the walk out had been; their path had been made a little easier from their stomping feet on the first go through. Salia was grateful that it would be easy to do again, whenever they went back, but was concerned that it would be too easy to follow. Almost on cue, Kanan said that he was banking on the camp being very low security, but they’d have to be ready to leave fast with Trigo, if they opted to break him out. 

“If it’s just the messages, this is more a stealth mission and it’s more important to be quiet,” he explained. “And obviously, if we break him out without detection, we can keep it quiet, too.” Salia didn’t know what to say, so she stayed quiet. She was exhausted and stressed. They were nearly back to the camp when Kanan stopped to ask quietly, “What do you want to do about it?” 

“I don’t know,” Salia gave her knee-jerk reaction. “I’ve been thinking about it all night. I think it’s up to Baraga. He’d have to make the big sacrifices.” 

Kanan nodded, kissed her on the forehead and turned to go to the tent, trying to open it quietly. They found Sola, sitting up. “I heard something,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “Glad it was only you.” Baraga slept next to her. Kanan and Salia awkwardly laid down on the other side of the tent, having taken their shoes off. “What did you guys find?” she asked. 

“It’s a low security facility,” Kanan began. “But there’s a river we’re going to have to get through.” 

“Is it deep?” Salia heard Sola asked. 

“I don’t think so, but it’ll be deep enough to slow us down.” Salia felt her eyes drooping shut. 

“So, what’s the plan?” 

“Same plan, unless Baraga wants to break him out.” 

Sola was quiet for a while and Salia was nearly asleep. Maybe in a dream, Salia heard her say, “And disappear, huh?” 

Kanan didn’t really sleep, but laying down was good, too. When Sola’s chrono said 5am, he sat up and tried to wake Baraga up. Unlike Baraga on normal mornings, he startled awake suddenly, breathing hard. He looked around to Kanan and let out a sigh. “Sorry,” he whispered. “A dream--”

“It’s okay, we need to talk.” Kanan laid out the information as quickly and efficiently as he thought Baraga could handle, outlining the security measures, the river, the woods, the drive back and the escape off-planet. “Do you know anybody back home who ships livestock?” Kanan asked. 

Baraga furrowed his brow. “I do, yeah, of course, but why?” 

“If you get stopped by Imperials, Trigo would be cargo, not a stowaway,” Kanan explained, trying to be patient, but starting to wish he could’ve done this all himself. _I’d already be done and nearly back by now_. 

Baraga nodded, understanding now. “What if he doesn’t want to live with me for the rest of his life?” Baraga asked. 

Kanan was dumbfounded. He grasped for words, but Baraga spoke again before he could. 

“What if I don’t want to live with him for the rest of my life?” Baraga asked, laying down again on the other side of Sola who seemed to be sleeping. “It’s been so long…” 

“There’s no shame in sticking to the old plan,” Kanan returned. 

“But just condemning him to death?” Baraga asked, voice weak. “Don’t I owe him this chance at freedom?” 

Kanan would’ve rolled his eyes if this had been more hypothetical. _Intellectuals,_ he thought. “It's not exactly freedom to be on the run. Salia wanted it to be your choice, but if you don’t want to choose, I think we give him those messages and just hope he’s resilient enough to make it out of the mines.” 

Baraga nodded. “Okay,” he agreed. 

_Not everyone dies there, right?_


	3. Trigo

“What troubles you, padawan?” Master Billaba prodded, from across the evening fire. They had been in the midst of holding ground on the front and had been lucky to have a quiet evening before Seperatist reinforcements arrived. But Caleb was troubled, it was true. And his master seemed to have discovered that through the Force. They certainly had a bond, and that was part of what troubled Caleb.

He looked over cautiously then began to explain by questioning. “Master, why is attachment bad? How can something that has helped me defend you and the clones be bad? We learned in the temple that it would cloud our understanding, but I don’t understand how.” He looked back into the fire, worrying he’d said too much. 

Master Billaba sat quietly for a while, leaving Caleb to wonder what she was thinking. Would he be in trouble for admitting attachment? Was attachment more complicated than he’d thought? Was what he felt for his troops and master not attachment, but something else? Had his master fallen asleep from the hard day before she could answer his questions? He looked over anxiously and saw her, awake, staring into the fire. 

“I’m just thinking, young one,” she explained. “Your questions are complicated and the answers are not clear.” She placed her hand thoughtfully on her chin, her brow newly furrowed. Caleb nearly laughed, the expression was so unusual on her. “The simple answer is that attachment is always bad, but there is no simple answer in real life. Only in the temple.” 

Caleb almost gaped at her, he was so surprised to hear her say that the Jedi Code might be more complicated than he’d been taught. 

“Now for the complicated answer.” She leaned back a little, more relaxed now that she had decided to be clear with him, he thought. “Attachment is not bad.” Caleb’s head was reeling. “We, Jedi, give up attachment to the worldly to become attached to the will of the Force. Is attachment, or commitment in other words, bad if it is to the will of the Force? No, how could it be?” She paused for a moment to make sure he was paying attention. When she saw that he was nearly on the edge of his seat, she smiled and pressed forward. “Attachment to the temporary things, or the worldly, can appear in many forms, and often is not bad in itself. In fact, non-Jedi live happy lives _because of_ their attachment to the people they love, their families and friends, their worlds and cultures.” She held up a hand, looking up to the stars, as if imagining what it would be like to be them. 

“But we are Jedi,” Caleb said, starting to understand.

“But we are Jedi,” his master nodded. “We give up all those things to serve. To serve people and the Force. And, yes, sometimes we do form small attachments along the way.” She looked over to him and tried not to smile. “It would be wrong for master and padawan to not feel some duty to each other. It would be wrong for you and I to not feel responsible for our troops.” She shifted her weight and looked back up to the stars. She seemed at ease. “It would be unnatural for a Jedi to try to be completely unattached. But when the time arises, _commitment_ to the will of the Force must always come first. That is how we maintain balance in our attachments.” 

Caleb looked down into the fire. For once, the young padawan had no more questions. 

“It is absolutely easier said than done,” Master Billaba finished.

Sola and Kanan had done the heavy lifting on packing up the camping supplies, leaving the rations out and available for the ride back and the hike over. It wasn’t that Salia and Baraga were trying to be unhelpful, but their attention was, and had been, focused very singularly on Trigo. Kanan had told everyone he needed to relieve himself, which was true, but he also took the opportunity to kneel down and give himself a moment to reckon with what he was about to do. 

He took a deep breath in through his nose and sighed out of his mouth, eyes closed, centering himself. He took the riflescope bag out of his pocket, carefully unfastening it. He couldn’t remember the last time he had done this. Maybe it had been to put it in this bag in the first place. There was his lightsaber, in two pieces just in case anyone found it, resting in its dusty home. Kanan could feel his heart pounding, maybe out of nervousness, maybe excitement at the reunion. 

Gingerly, Kanan touched both pieces of his weapon, surprised at how warm and natural it felt back in his hands again. He put the pieces together and stood to stow it in his pocket. It was perhaps not elegant, but it would work. He shoved the canvas bag in the same pocket and put his hat on his head. The cheap blaster he’d had just in case in his other pocket, he let out a nervous puff of air and turned to head back to the rest, as ready as he could be to lead them. 

The plants were dewy and wet and, quickly, so were Kanan’s shoes, legs and the lower half of his shorts. It was nearly cold enough to call it chilly and still dark as night, especially in the thicket. They trudged over nearly silently. Kanan noticed Sola had a very small hand blaster and was, once again, impressed. “You any good with that thing?” he asked her. 

She shrugged. “I know my way around a practice range, but, you know…” She trailed off. 

“It’s not the same,” Kanan agreed, nodding knowingly. Even slashing through droids had felt different than training. 

Salia was holding Kanan’s hand. As they got closer, he could feel her trembling and hoped she would be about her wits enough to act when she needed to--if she needed to. She looked concerned, exhausted and weary to him. Her hair was tied back and she, too, seemed cold and wet. 

Baraga was silent which concerned Kanan. Baraga had often been unpredictable to Kanan, and Baraga had surprised Kanan repeatedly over the last few hours, going from confident and able, to moody and uncertain almost instantly upon hearing Trigo’s fate. Most surprising had been his indecision about saving Trigo. Kanan didn’t think Baraga was making a bad choice exactly, but he did expect Baraga would regret it for the rest of his life. 

They were nearing the river--they could hear it now--and the sky, Kanan saw through the trees was trying to brighten, though feebly. Kanan looked out of the trees now, stopping the group for a second just to double check that things were as he’d remembered. The boulder he’d spotted on the other side of the river would provide good coverage for them, but this was definitely a weak point in terms of security. He would be surprised if they _didn’t_ run into some kind of patrol while they were here. 

He turned back to the rest of them and was suddenly struck by a foreboding feeling. _Probably just nerves_ , he thought. 

Salia had been anxious, so anxious she was surprised she’d slept at all. It had probably been thanks to the comfort of Kanan’s body next to hers that she’d been able to relax long enough to doze however restlessly and she was grateful for that time of rest she’d had. She’d already been physically exhausted from working on the farm--which felt like nearly ages ago--but the added emotional stress of trying to go forward with something that could get them into very big trouble was mounting and she wasn’t sure how much more she could take. 

All the while, hope flickered deep inside her chest. She had tried not to imagine what it would be like to see Trigo again now that it was more possible than it had ever been, she couldn’t help envisioning it and how she wished it could go. All the mounting stress, the nearly sleepless night, and the gamble of coming out here and potentially putting themselves in the Empire’s firing line might be worth a single hug from her long lost brother. 

She tried hard now to focus on what Kanan was saying. 

“We’re not far from the camp when we’re across the river, so I don’t think we’ll have to do much to get the messages to him. We’re going to have to be careful, though, since this is primarily about stealth and remaining unnoticed.” Kanan stopped for a beat to make sure they were following him. “Baraga, Salia and I are going to use the cover of that boulder to cross the river and from there we’ll toss the messages into the field. You sure he’ll recognize them?” 

Baraga nodded, holding a small, but brightly marked canister. “As long as he gets to them first, he’ll know the sight of them right away,” he answered feebly. “He always loved sunrises, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he got out there first,” he nearly whispered. 

“Where will I be?” Sola asked, getting them back on track. 

“Right here, covering us,” Kanan explained. 

Sola raised an eyebrow apprehensively. “With _this_?” she asked, holding up her dainty blaster. “Might be a little better off with your rifle,” she gestured. 

“Yeah, if I had one,” Kanan answered, a little annoyed, Salia noticed. “You’re more the eyes of this. Just keep the com open and let us know if you see anything.” Kanan held out his comlink to indicate what he meant. “Just do it quietly,” he reminded, stowing it away. 

“You ever done any shooting?” he asked, turning to Baraga. 

Baraga shrugged, uncertain. “I went hunting once,” he finally answered.

A small blaster appeared in Kanan’s hand, extended to Baraga. Baraga took it, gingerly. “Look, I’m not expecting anything to happen. We might run into a patrol here and if we do, we have to be ready, but I think we’ll be fast and nobody will have to fire any shots.” 

Kanan huffed a sigh and looked around at the others. Salia could tell he was a little grumpy with them and trying to be patient, but she was sure that the others couldn’t see it. It was one of those subtle little things that Salia had seen enough to know what he was thinking or feeling even without her psychometry. For a moment, Salia was endeared to him, remembering the way that they had grown close recently and taking this as evidence that she did know him better than she sometimes thought she did. 

“Baraga, you’ll be the one to throw out the messages,” Kanan added and then stood. “I’ve seen you throw your beer mug across the room before, so just, go for that,” he said with a ghost of a smirk on his lips. “Alright, any questions?” 

Salia bit her lip and looked down for a moment. “What am I doing?” she asked. 

“Keeping an eye out for a patrol,” Kanan said. “And Trigo.” 

Turning now to look out of the trees at the river, boulder, field and camp, Kanan noticed the sky was brightening up. They’d have to be quick, but dawn and dusk were wonderful for sneaking; nobody’s eyes were ever well adjusted in that light. He put a hand on the saber hilt in his pocket and then glanced over his shoulder at the others. He nodded and stepped out of the woods onto the wide river bank, trying to stay low just in case. Salia and Baraga, he could hear, were following behind him. 

They quickly approached the river which, thankfully, did not seem deep-- _maybe only knee deep_. Kanan stepped in without trying to find stepping stones. It’d be faster to just get through it with wet shoes than to be off balance and fall in. Not that he would get off balance in that kind of situation, but sleep deprived Salia and Baraga were a different story. As long as nobody twisted an ankle, wading through would be just fine. So, they waded, the babbling of the water covering the splashing sounds their feet and legs made. The water was not as cold as Kanan had expected and he counted that fortunate as well, but even so, that nervous foreboding lingered. 

On the other side of the river, the three ran quietly and quickly up to the boulder. Kanan gestured to Baraga to move ahead of him to toss the canister appropriately close to the camp. He looked anxious, but moved without protest. Baraga peeked around the side of the boulder to get an idea for how far and hard he should be throwing and turned back, his body leaning fully on the boulder. “It’s like 100 meters!” he whispered, disbelieving. 

“You only have to get it part of the way. You can do that, right?” Kanan asked. “I’ve seen you--”

“No, I mean he’s only that far away,” Baraga explained. He peeked back around and gasped quietly. “It’s him.” 

“What?” Salia and Kanan both asked simultaneously. 

“Trigo!” Sola gasped over the comlink in Kanan’s pocket.

The sky was brighter now, not sunrise yet, but it wouldn’t be long before it came. Kanan and Salia leaned against Baraga now, straining to catch a glimpse of Trigo. His qukuuf were unmistakable and incredibly bright in the dim morning light. He was walking out of a faint mist towards the river--towards them. 

“He looks awful,” Baraga commented quietly. 

“Can we get him closer?” Salia asked no one in particular.

“I don’t think we’ll need to,” Kanan said. It seemed like he was heading straight for this place. Wearing a plain, dark, and dirty jumpsuit, his lanky frame was coming here in what seemed like a comfortable routine. Like maybe he did this every morning. As he got closer, Kanan could tell that he looked like Salia, but he was gaunt in the face and his hair was shorn close to his head. 

“Trigo!” Baraga whispered loudly over. 

“No, Baraga--” 

It was too late. Trigo had heard his name and looked over to where they were. He double took and rubbed his eyes, maybe trying to wake himself from a dream. When he seemed to realize that they were in fact there, he jogged over a smile growing on his face. 

“Baraga! It’s you!” he said quietly, astonished. And then he saw Salia and his eyes began to shine. “Salia! Oh my,” he said, choking back tears. 

Salia had her own tears in her eyes and was beaming. Kanan wasn’t sure what they were all waiting for, but when the hug came, it was enormous. Kanan stood back and soaked in the sight, happy he could do this for his love and his friend. After some time, Salia broke away with a small laugh. “We only came here to give you this,” she said, pointing to the messages in Baraga’s hand. 

Trigo’s look was knowing and he somehow managed to smile more. “What a wonderful gift,” he said. Kanan noticed some hollowness to it, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what that would mean. 

“No,” Baraga said. “We’re going to break you out, too.” 

Everyone but Baraga was surprised, now. “But, but… how?” Trigo asked, astounded. “Where will we go?”

Baraga shrugged. “We’ll figure it out.” 

“Incoming,” Sola said from Kanan’s pocket. 

Kanan could sense it now that he’d known to reach out for it; there was somebody heading this way from the field. 

“That’s the patrol,” Trigo whispered, not a lot of concern in his voice. “They always come out here to keep an eye on me.” 

“What are they going to do when they find you here _with us_?” Kanan asked sharply. He watched as Trigo became crestfallen. “I’ll handle it--”

“No, I’ve got this,” Baraga said, gesturing to keep Kanan back. “You don’t get to have all the fun.” 

Kanan groaned internally. Baraga had no idea what he was talking about--this wasn’t a drunken alley brawl or wrestling for sport. This was life or death, an Imperial guard on the other end of a blaster. The sky was noticeably brighter now--bright enough Kanan could see the mist. And then he remembered his dream. The one he’d been having occasionally for months. _Oh, kriff_. 

The uniformed guard came into sight and saw them immediately. Before Kanan could do anything, Baraga stood up, chest puffed out defensively in front of the man he’d wanted to marry and stared down the barrel of the trooper’s blaster. And in another half second, the guard shot Trigo and set his gun on Baraga, shooting once more. Not stuns, full lethal blasts. Trigo fell to the ground and Baraga cried out in pain, clutching his arm and falling back.

At daybreak, Kanan found he had already pulled out his lightsaber and ignited it when he heard Salia’s muffled screams next to him. The trooper gasped audibly after setting his sights on Kanan and then shot. Kanan deflected it, but the shot had not been at the right angle to deflect it back to the armor clad man. _Just give me a good one_ , he thought, feeling Salia clutching at the back of his shirt. If the trooper came a couple more steps towards him, he could go for a kill, but he wasn’t going to leave the cover of the boulder if he didn’t have to. 

A shot from Sola came flying down, landing near the guard’s feet, just as he shot again. This blaster bolt was exactly right for deflecting to the man’s neck, now exposed as he tried to find the source of Sola’s attack. Kanan watched as the attacking guard crumpled and collapsed onto the ground. Kanan turned off his lightsaber almost absent-mindedly, but he kept it in his hand. 

Wisely, Salia had already picked up the canister that would link her and Baraga to this whole event. And if they got out quick, nobody would come to see what had happened until they were long gone. _Baraga,_ Kanan thought. He looked over to the two bodies; Trigo was bent in ways that confirmed he couldn’t be alive, but Baraga was groaning next to him. Kanan looked back to Salia who was quietly sobbing. 

“We have to go,” Kanan told her urgently. 

Kanan looked down at Baraga now. “You’re hurt?” he asked. 

Baraga moaned and nodded in response, still clutching his arm.

“You think you can make it out of here?” Kanan asked with a little impatience. He reached out a hand and pulled Baraga up to his feet. 

Kanan’s feet were already moving. “Let’s get out of here.” 

Salia couldn’t look away from the body, but she nodded and Kanan pulled her with him, moving quickly, perhaps a little too quickly, but now was not a time for slowing down. He could claim adrenaline if his friends hadn’t already guessed his big secret. 

They rushed through the cold water, somehow colder now that things had gone so badly and found Sola standing, her face tear-stained but ready to get moving. Baraga had quieted down and Kanan made sure he was keeping up.

“Gotta go,” Sola said, maybe more to herself than to her companions. 

Kanan nodded and tried to follow Sola who had turned to run through the trees and undergrowth, but he felt the tug of Salia’s hand. He looked back and saw her taking one last look at the lifeless body. Kanan tried to be patient, but if anybody had heard that blaster fire, they’d be risking their own lives by staying any longer than they absolutely had to. Baraga pushed past them, following Sola. 

“Salia,” Kanan said gently. 

She turned, her eyes, shining and sad, meeting his now. She implored him feebly, “Take me home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more update coming Friday!


	4. 70 Clicks Away

They’d arrived on the other end of the thicket, panting and scratched up, and rushed to the speeder, a much easier sprint than running through the woods. Baraga had lumbered into the passenger seat, tears on his face and Sola had lept gracefully into the driver’s seat, commanding the other two to get in the back. 

“Are you sure?” Kanan had asked, eyes wide with disbelief. 

Sola had nodded. “Better for you two to be together,” she explained quietly. 

So, they were zipping across the gently rolling terrain once again, reeds bending and breaking around them and the very old speeder. 

Kanan hung his head, feeling deeply responsible for what had happened, even though Baraga had ignored the plan. 

_ What if I’d been faster? What if I’d listened to that foreboding? Was that the Force?  _ Kanan prickled at that one more than he’d expected to. He couldn’t imagine that the will of the Force would’ve tried to warn him about Trigo’s death, but could it have? He had never been very good at discerning the will of the Force for himself--no one had ever really taught him how and he’d always been under someone else’s direction. His opportunities to try to learn what he was supposed to do had been limited to temple tests and how to handle personal loss, things that hadn’t affected anyone else. Was it possible to learn the will of the Force in regards to others? Had it been trying to tell him to stop the mission? 

The questions kept going, kept looping through his mind, racing to bring him to some unknown conclusion. Salia was weeping silently on his shoulder, too feeble to vocalize, and all he had been able to do was wrap his arms around her. Sola seemed to be keeping it together, though Kanan had seen her wiping her eyes once or twice over the nearly silent drive. Baraga had been crying quietly for the most part, but occasionally, it moved into louder sobbing. 

Almost completely out of the blue, Sola said, “The laser sword explains a lot.” 

Kanan winced; he felt embarrassed, exposed and uncertain. “Does it?” he asked, trying to play dumb. 

Sola nodded. “We don’t have to talk about it though,” she offered. 

“That would be best,” Kanan mumbled. 

Salia heaved a fresh sob and Kanan tried to comfort her, rubbing her back. 

Kanan’s mind began racing. What would they do about finding Trigo and a guard dead on their doorstep? Would they come looking for perpetrators? Were they too poorly funded for an investigation? Maybe they were happy to have the excuse to execute Trigo early. 

He decided that destroying the plans would be the first thing to do. He’d be spending the night--well, day now--with Salia, though. She would likely need the company. Seeing someone die for the first time was not an experience he wished on anyone, but he’d been there and he could provide some emotional support to her. 

“I didn’t even fire,” Baraga broke the silence. “I just… stood there.” 

Kanan reached over and put a hand on him, too tired to think of the right words for the moment. 

“We saved him from Kessel, though,” Sola offered. 

Baraga smiled sadly before new tears fell down his face. 

When they approached town, it was early to be out for students on a weekend, but not so early that it was impossible. When Sola parked the speeder, Kanan huffed a sigh of relief. “Try not to look like you’re rushing anywhere, but you two go to your room, Baraga and I have to go take care of some things,” Kanan explained. 

Salia gripped his arm desperately. “Are you coming back?” she asked. 

“Of course,” he stated, voice low. He gave her a brief kiss and she let go of him. “I’ll be back before you know it,” he said with a very small, sad smile. Salia looked like she was about to start crying again. Kanan looked over to Sola plaintively. Sola nodded and came around to help Salia get to their room. Kanan and Baraga headed off towards their room. Kanan brushed a hand against his pocket, realizing he had not put away the lightsaber. 

“You have my blaster?” Kanan asked. 

“Oh,” Baraga said, handing it back over. 

When they arrived in their room, Kanan found his bag of personal items on his bed, left there by Sola. Kanan hurriedly took the lightsaber apart and stowed it in his rifle bag which he stuffed with the blaster down deep in the bag, down next to the holocron which was separately contained. He grabbed the clothes he’d left out and stuffed those in, slinging the bag over his shoulder.

“I think Sola and I might need to make a more permanent switch,” Kanan explained to Baraga, turning to see him slumped in the chair. 

“Makes sense,” Baraga responded, nodding weakly. “Guess we’ve got to take care of those?” Baraga asked, gesturing to the desk.

Kanan turned to follow his gaze where, indeed, the paper plans were written up and waiting to be found. “I’ll do it,” Kanan offered. He took them in his hands and tore them into small pieces which he planned to take to the trash compactor chute on his way out. 

Kanan looked to Baraga now. “I’ll send Sola over,” he said. “Are you going to be okay?” 

Baraga scoffed ruefully. “I lost him once,” he began, looking up to Kanan with a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “I’ll be okay someday.” 

Kanan nodded with understanding and turned to leave.

Kanan tried not to run while he was outside and was starting to feel the crushing weight of exhaustion falling on him, so it wasn’t too hard to look like he was casually heading somewhere, and thankfully, he ran into no one. When he came to Sola and Salia’s room, he could hear them talking inside. Salia’s voice was raised, but only somewhat. 

“He never told me!” she was saying. 

Kanan didn’t want to overhear any more, so he knocked on the door and waited for a response. It took a long time, but Sola said, “Come in.” 

Kanan opened the door and hesitantly entered, looking to both of their faces briefly, hoping to get a read of the situation. Sola looked weary, but Kanan thought he recognized concern in her face too. She looked to Salia and Kanan followed her gaze. 

Salia was turned, her back to both of them, arms folded, her eyes focused down. 

Sola stepped towards Kanan and put a hand on his arm. “I think you two have something to discuss, but before I go, I got a message from Aeshi,” she said, voice quiet. “Prine apparently woke up and couldn’t remember any of last night after leaving the bar. Wasn’t sure why his jaw was aching.” 

Kanan’s shoulders, which he hadn’t realized were tense, relaxed. “Thanks, Sola. Tell Aeshi thanks, too,” Kanan murmured. He nodded to Sola, and she returned the gesture. 

Kanan turned his attention to Salia now. She remained, standing and not facing him. Kanan had the feeling he was in trouble, but didn’t know what for. So, he opted to get comfortable, hoping they could both just get some sleep and try talking about it later. He set his things down, took off his wet shoes, and sat down on Salia’s bed. He sighed, ready to collapse into sleep when she turned and looked at him, wrathful. 

They had never fought before and Kanan knew that if they did now, it would not go well. She didn’t know how much a temper he could have and as tired as they both were… now was just not the time. But, Kanan watched her, some terror in his eyes as her face remained angry. 

Salia relaxed slightly, posture smug now instead of on the attack. She raised an eyebrow. “Was  _ that _ what you wanted to tell me?” she bit. 

He could feel defensiveness and his own anger bubbling up. “Yes,” he said quietly, trying not to betray his feelings. 

“So, why didn’t you?” she asked, voice growing louder. “Why didn’t you tell me that you’re a traitor to the Republic?” 

“You don’t understand,” Kanan heard himself say before he could stop. 

She raised her eyebrows, smiling a smile he had never seen on her before. She chuckled and shook her head. “What don’t I understand?” 

“I already told you about my  _ family _ ,” he began, trying to tone back the anger, but hearing himself failing. “They were wrong, I was… misled,” Kanan looked down at his hands which he had unwittingly raised in front of himself, pleading with her to be reasonable. “I’m not that,” he said. “Not anymore.” 

“But you were!” Salia nearly shouted. “When the time came, you betrayed us.” Her voice was like acid and Kanan couldn’t let her go unchecked on this. She hadn’t lived it. 

He shot up, standing to say as much. “You weren’t there. You didn’t see it!” He could feel the fire coming out of him and knew he had to cut back, but he was so exhausted and the memories were flooding in. “It was like a switch, Salia! One minute, we were comrades in arms, next thing the clones had turned all their fire on us,” he explained, voice hot, but low. He knew at least that he needed to keep quiet. He sighed. “I was just a kid,” he said, pleading in his voice. 

Salia looked at him, seemingly willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. “How’d you get out alive, Kanan?” she asked. “Did you let somebody else take the fall then, too?” 

_ Too? _

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kanan growled. 

Salia laughed a horrible laugh. “Like you don’t know what I’m talking about?” she goaded. “You just let him die!” she whispered loudly, gesturing dramatically towards the direction of the horror. 

Kanan looked down, unable to meet her eyes for fear of what he’d see there. “Go to sleep, Salia,” he said, warning in his voice. 

“But you just let it--” 

“I can’t save everyone!” Kanan shot back, louder than he’d intended. He sat back down on his bed, sadness washing over him. “I can hardly save anyone,” he muttered quietly, more to himself at the realization that he’d been personally responsible for more needless deaths than anyone should ever have to deal with. All at his young age. He slumped down into the bed and rolled onto his side to face the wall, curled up to get comfortable. The exhaustion was taking over and he only barely heard Salia say “I’m sorry” before he fell asleep. 

  
  


They tried to make things work. Salia needed the comfort of having  _ someone _ who loved her nearby, she’d said as much. She’d felt abandoned and didn’t want to drive him away. Kanan wasn’t sure why she wanted to push him away after he’d told her his side of the story about how the war had ended. Salia hadn’t delved deep into it, but Kanan had a hunch it was the last lie of the Empire she had held on to--she’d had no reason to believe otherwise. So, Kanan had tried to explain multiple times how bizarre the entire thing had been and how hard it had been to be left alone with nothing afterwards, forced to figure out how to live and hide. He’d told her about Big-mouth, Styles, and Grey and how clones he owed his life to had, in an instant, turned to take it. He’d told her about getting out only thanks to his master’s sacrifice. 

But she was still struggling to trust him again, and he could see it. Something had changed between them and he wasn’t sure it would ever go back to the way it had been. 

Their days were permeated by loss. Work was horrendous and the nights were almost as bad. Salia, Kanan, Baraga, and Sola drank a lot in the evenings, though Sola would usually stop before the others. Kanan tried hard to make things feel normal, but Salia had no joy and Kanan had almost none, and nothing to lend her even if she’d wanted it, which was unclear. They did sometimes find solace or distraction in each other’s arms, but the physical had changed, too; there was no giddiness and sometimes it felt like Salia had become selfish. 

Knowing that people need time to grieve, Kanan was willing to wait out the worst of it, but it was proving difficult. He wasn’t sure Salia would come out of this any time soon and he wouldn’t have anything left to give her before long. But he loved her and wanted to be there for her as long as he could manage and as long as she would let him. 

Just to make matters worse, Aeshi had confessed to Salia that they thought they were responsible for the authorities finding out about and arresting Trigo in the first place. They were and had been devastated, and it had definitely been an accident, but Aeshi blamed themself for all of it. They’d asked for forgiveness but knew it would be hard to give. Kanan had watched Salia withdraw even more after that news. 

“Maybe we should get you some help,” Kanan asked tentatively one night, laying in bed together. He had been holding back on suggesting some kind of mental health resource for days, afraid that she would be mad at him for it. The relationship was already rocky enough, he wasn’t sure he could get away with it. But right now, she seemed stable enough that she might actually hear him out. 

Salia groaned. “What do you mean?” she asked. 

“I don’t know, maybe there’s somebody you could talk to who knows a little more about how to handle these things,” Kanan explained with a small shrug. 

“I’m fine,” Salia began. “Well, I’ll be fine eventually.” She was watching the ceiling. Kanan missed how she’d used to look into his eyes. 

He sighed and started to get out of the bed, planning to sleep in Sola’s unless Sola came back. 

“What?” Salia asked with some bite, sitting up. 

“I can’t…” Kanan started, hanging his head. “I don’t have anything left.” Salia stared at him blankly. “I don’t want to leave you,” he explained further. “But, I miss you,” he confessed quietly. 

Salia frowned, “But I’m right here.”

“No you’re not,” Kanan told her with a sad look over. 

She scoffed. “Then where am I?” she asked with a mirthless smirk. 

Kanan furrowed his brow now, starting to get mad. “Salia,” he said, his tone laced with disbelief. “You’re 70 clicks away and you’re choosing not to leave.” Salia kept just staring at him, face unchanging. Kanan sighed now and sat down in the chair with some resignation. “It was horrible, of course it was horrible. I wish I could forget it,” Kanan told her. “I just want to move on. I want to be here in the present with you, but you’re stuck in the past.” 

Salia looked angry now. “You want me to forget him,” she accused him, folding her arms. 

Kanan groaned. “No, of course not,” he explained. “But remembering him… like that.” He shook his head. “You’ve got to remember his life, Salia, not his death.” 

Salia laid down and looked back up at the ceiling. “How would your  _ family _ tell you to deal with this?” she asked, sarcasm in her voice. Neither of them had said the word “Jedi” and neither of them had needed to. 

Kanan sighed, thinking for a moment. “They’d tell you not to get attached in the first place,” he said honestly. “But after that, they’d tell you to try to let your emotions go into the Force.” 

“ _ Into the Force? _ ” Salia asked, completely incredulous. 

Kanan chuckled ruefully. A flicker of hope flared inside of him; her tone was nearly like her old self. “I know it sounds crazy,” Kanan acknowledged. “But it helped me, actually. Meditation is one of the only things they really knew what the hell they were talking about.” 

Salia rolled her body towards the wall. “Maybe you can teach me sometime,” she said. 

“Not now?” he asked quietly. 

Salia groaned and sat up. “Fine, now,” she conceded. 

Kanan stood up, pulling the chair over to her bed. He tried to stem his joy about her trying to do something to help herself. He sat down to face her and gently placed her hands on her knees. “Now close your eyes,” he instructed. She rolled them and he smiled weakly. A hint of a smile met her lips and she closed her eyes. “Take a deep breath in,” he said, waiting to hear her do it. “Okay, now sigh it out. And do it again.” 

“Kanan,” she complained, peeking her eyes open. 

“Please?” he asked. She shook her head and did as she was told. “Keep taking deep breaths, in and out of your nose. And just focus on the movement of your body. Focus on this moment.” He watched her chest open and contract. She looked like she was relaxing a bit. “Good,” Kanan praised her. “Now, something is blocking your healing. Dig deep and tell me what it is.” Salia furrowed her brow and kept breathing deep. Kanan touched her forehead. “And relax.” 

After a long, long time, she said, “He’s gone.” 

“Yes, he is,” Kanan acknowledged. “How do you feel?” 

“Sad and angry,” Salia uttered. 

“Good, where is it in your body?” 

She thought for a moment. “My chest,” she said. 

“Okay, think about taking a breath to that feeling, and then just sigh it out,” he said. “Let it go.”  _ To the Force, _ he omitted. 

She sighed a heavy sigh and then breathed in again. She looked surprised and scared. 

“What do you feel now?” Kanan asked, even though he could feel through the Force what she was feeling. She needed to say it. 

“It was my fault--no,” her voice caught before she could finish. Her eyes shot open and she looked at Kanan. He could sense her fear. She looked like she was about to cry and had an arm up in front of her defensively. Through tears, she said, “No. It was  _ your  _ fault.” 

Kanan blinked at her, unsure what to say. 

“You are the _Jedi_ ,” she spat. “You’re supposed to be valiant and _save_ _people_. But you didn’t do it. You didn’t save him and you didn’t listen to me. None of you did! I didn’t want to do anything!” 

Kanan stood up, trying to get a good look at her face, maybe touch her cheek like he used to. “Salia,” he pleaded quietly. 

“No,” she said through tears swatting his hand away. “No, we wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for you.” 

“But--you got to see him,” Kanan explained, his heart beginning to break. “He would’ve been taken to Kessel anyway. You wanted to see him.” 

“I never would’ve gone through with it,” she said, her voice thin, through a new sob. “I think you need to go,” Salia said quietly. 

Kanan couldn’t understand what had happened. His stomach dropped and his heart felt heavy inside of his chest. He could feel a stinging in his eyes now--tears? It had been years since he’d cried. He looked down at his hands helplessly, completely speechless, but contemplating if she was right. Would Trigo still be alive if Kanan had never come to Rori? 

Mechanically, Kanan sat down on the chair again and put on his shoes. He started to collect his things and then took what he thought might be a last look at Salia. She had rolled over to face the wall again, laying on her side. Kanan remembered briefly the sound of her laugh and the look of her beautiful face. The feel of her warm cheek under his hand burned in his hand. He wanted to reach out and touch her and have her roll over, telling him the whole thing had been an elaborate joke. But he didn’t, and neither did she.

“I’m sorry,” he heard himself say before slipping out the door. 


	5. Kiffu

Salia hadn’t had the job for long and was surprised to be given a task that seemed more important than she deserved. She was supposed to go down to the spaceport in Mereel to collect someone named Arden Flite--apparently a business consultant who would be helping Kiffu Advertising with some record keeping or optimization or something. Salia was not involved enough in the higher up decisions to really know. 

So, she’d been loaned a nice speeder and was given a time and a place to meet Flite. She was also told to be there very early, just in case. His transport was landing around rush hour and it was better to be ahead of that, anyway. Upon arriving near the spaceport, she saw she had nearly two whole hours to wait for him and decided to pop into a bar for a drink--she’d be off the clock later than normal today and she had two whole hours. What could one drink hurt? 

She eased the speeder into a spot in the spaceport parking, taking care to leave plenty of room on either side of the vehicle, and walked towards a lively cantina with a trendy mural over the facade. Then she spotted one that seemed to be better liked by shiphands and opted for that one. It would likely be cheaper and she only wanted the one drink anyway. Getting in and out of a dive quickly would be easier than the flashy bar. 

“Do you think they could make this any heavier?” Kanan called over to Krenk, an unsympathetic coworker. “No? Okay, thanks, man.” He groaned and tried to push the oversized load into the cargo bay of the _ Insipid _ , the ship he was currently working for. The turbolift was working, but barely two centimeters off the ground and resisting his exertion. 

“Kiffu next, Kanan,” Vanda called over, waving her arm to indicate he should get moving. 

Kanan groaned, both because of the heavy load and because of where she said they were heading. He’d refused point blank to go to Naboo and Kiffu both, even using his sick leave to avoid jobs on those planets. This surprise was completely unwelcome. When he finally got the load into the cargo bay, he turned off the turbo lift with a thud and headed to the acceleration couch where he knew Vanda would be. 

“Hey, I could have used a heads up,” Kanan said folding his arms and standing in the doorframe across from the small, middle-aged woman. 

Vanda looked up at him and then back down to her datapad. “Oh, Kiffu,” she said again, realizing. “Sorry, Kanan, it’s just we’re ahead of schedule for once and Kiffu’s on the way back home,” she explained, an apologetic look on her face. “We can just drop and go,” she offered and then added with a smile, “Or we could get paid some overtime and hit the bar.” 

Kanan raised his eyebrows and nodded approvingly, sitting down on the acceleration couch. “Yeah, alright,” he agreed. 

Krenk, a burly Trandoshan who had joined the crew a little before Kanan, stomped through the common area to the galley as _ Insipid _ took off for Kiffu. 

“What’s the big deal, anyway?” Vanda asked, a gleeful smile on her face. Kanan hadn’t unfolded his arms yet and tried to ignore Vanda, but she pushed his arm playfully. “You’re not  _ wanted _ there, are you?” she teased. It was an idle question--there were warrants for Krenk’s arrest in several Outer Rim systems as far as Kanan could tell, but since he was fast, strong, and quiet, no one seemed to mind. Kanan had noticed early on that Krenk would slink back to the ship quickly after unloading shipments sometimes. 

Kanan smiled and shook his head. “Nah,” he began, looking a little bashful. “I had an ex-girlfriend from Kiffu,” he confessed quietly. 

Vanda raised her eyebrows and tried not to smile at the shock. “You?” she asked loudly. “A  _ girlfriend _ ?” She looked around for someone else who might understand her surprise. 

“ _ Ex- _ girlfriend,” he repeated, ruefully. 

Vanda leaned back and chuckled. “I just never would’ve expected  _ you _ to have tied yourself down to one girl,” she explained. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Kanan said, standing to go to the refresher to get away from her. He’d been with this outfit for about three months which was long enough to be getting too cozy. He looked in the mirror at himself.  _ Mm, need a shave _ , he observed, looking at his stubbly cheeks. He’d recently grown out a goatee and was liking it a lot, but his jaw was too handsome to cover, even with stubble. 

The ship slowed down sometime later and they started to descend to the commercial side of the spaceport. When they landed and the cargo bay door was about to open, Kanan thought,  _ it’s a whole world of people. What are the chances?  _

  
  


Salia walked into the understated bar and headed straight for the bartender, sitting on a stool. “An ale,” she requested. It was nice to be home where the default was what she wanted. The bartender filled up a tall glass for her and set it down. She took a sip and was surprised by the sound of a familiar laugh coming through the door. She looked, shock and nervous anticipation on her face. 

There he was. Kanan, tall and looking a little older-- _ with a goatee? _ \--walking into the very same establishment. She could feel that her eyes were opened wide. She was feeling panicky, not sure how to handle it. She wanted to just disappear or run away, but she didn’t feel like she could move either. He hadn’t seen her, she noticed, so she turned back to her drink and took a long swig, needing something to calm her nerves. 

Salia reflected now on what it had been like since she’d seen Kanan last. She’d been really a disaster for the rest of her time on Rori. It wasn’t until she had gotten back to school on Naboo that her healing had truly started, and it was all only because Professor Zapal had all but required Salia to begin treatment. It had taken months of weekly discussions with a therapist, Jaina, to sort through all of it. And it had taken multiple promises of anonymity for her to disclose some of the details about what had happened. She had never revealed what Kanan was, though. It wasn’t her secret to tell. 

Keeping that secret had made it very difficult to explain the breakup in any way that made sense to Jaina. So, there had been some things they really hadn’t been able to resolve together, but overall, Salia had felt better about things. She didn’t blame herself for any of what had happened, but she had accepted responsibility for her part of it. 

Clear in her memory now was a session where Jaina had asked Salia what she would tell Kanan if she could see him again. Salia had answered knowing that she would never see him again; his life as a Jedi on the run was hiding in plain sight and avoiding dangerous connections. Salia had been the exception once and it seemed like she might be the exception again. 

Running the scenario through her head so that she’d had a little something planned to say, she tried to prepare herself mentally for the conversation she wanted to have but was afraid of. She peeked around looking to see where he was. Standing at a small table, his back to her, he was with three other people. Salia took the last gulp of her drink and found herself standing to walk over. 

One of her grievances with Kanan had been that he had seemed to not want to accept any responsibility for how things had turned out. She had only heard him once say that he couldn’t save Trigo. Salia had not been able to feel any penitence or guilt from him through her psychometry--in fact, while she had been in the darkest of her feelings, her psychometry had vanished. She had been numb to her own feelings and in turn couldn’t feel anyone else’s. 

Since therapy, though, she had regained the ability and learned to focus it enough to ask a question and get an answer through the touch. So, walking over now, she thought the question, “Is he really sorry?” She wasn’t sure she would get an answer. It had been so long and this looked like a newer shirt--if he didn’t feel responsible for what had happened and hadn’t for a while, it was possible she would feel nothing at all from the touch. This was the trade off. She wondered for a moment if she should just reach out to see what he felt instead of looking for an answer, but the question could not be assuaged. 

And, as her fingers touched his garment, she felt instantly the answer. Overwhelming guilt washed over her, his guilt compounded by her own at how she might have made it worse by sending him away. He turned, a glowing smile on his face, but when he saw her, he looked like he’d seen a ghost. 

“Hi,” Salia said, completely forgetting what she had planned to say. 

He gaped at her, mouth hanging open. 

Salia couldn’t help but smile even just the smallest smile. “Can we talk?” she asked. 

Kanan gulped, she saw his Adam's apple moving dramatically. “Yeah,” he said after some time. “Here?” he asked. 

“No, not here,” Salia answered, walking over to a table for two near a faux window. She had, to her surprise, wanted to take his arm to guide him there, but was not sure what he would think of it.   
  


Kanan was dumbfounded, sitting across from the one person in the whole universe who knew exactly who he was and what he had been. She looked good; she was dressed professionally and the silky floral fabric was unfamiliar to him. He didn’t know what to say and was panicking.  _ Another drink would be nice _ . 

“So, how are you?” she asked over. “Your beard is good.” 

Kanan reached up and touched it. “Oh, you like it?” he questioned, his tone disbelieving. 

“Yeah, I think it suits you,” Salia said with a pleasant enough nod. He noticed her hands were shaking a bit on the table.  _ At least she’s nervous too. _

“How have you been? Are you doing okay?” Salia questioned.

Kanan shrugged. “I’m fine,” he answered, not sure if it was true.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” she revealed. “I shouldn’t have sent you away. You were only trying to help and I was not fair to you.” She hung her head now, clasping her hands together, business like. 

Kanan looked over at her, his eyes still wide. He’d worked through the pain of Trigo’s death. It had not been easy, but it had been quick. He’d tried to get over the breakup and the things he’d regretted not doing to try to make the relationship work, but it had left some residual resentment towards Salia. He’d even gotten mostly over the feelings of responsibility he had felt for the whole thing that Salia’s parting words had amplified; this problem he’d resolved in part by deciding to not stick his neck out too far, especially for other people. 

Kanan folded his arms in front of him. “I  _ was _ only trying to help,” he heard himself agree, his tone carrying a hint of irony. 

Salia met his eyes now. She didn’t look very sad, but there was regret there. “I didn’t see it at the time,” she explained. “And when I was ready for it, you were gone.” 

Kanan raised an eyebrow.  _ And whose fault was that? _ “I was going to follow you to Naboo, you know.” He heard his voice say it, but couldn’t believe it. Neither could she; her eyes were big with surprise. He nodded. “I wanted to--” He leaned in close, bracing himself against the table now. “I  _ loved  _ you,” he whispered harshly. He leaned back again now, folding his arms again. “You did teach me, though,” he said with some heat, waving a hand and looking away briefly. 

Salia, he saw out of the corner of his eye, looked like she’d had the wind knocked out of her. “What did I teach you?” she asked cautiously. 

Kanan turned back to look at her, eyes blazing, “That I can’t tell anyone anything.” He stood up, chair scraping loudly under him. He marched to the table where his co-workers were and dropped a couple of credits for his one drink. 

“Is that her? Didn’t seem like your usual  _ encounter _ \--” Vanda began, a smirk on her face. 

“I’ll be on the ship,” Kanan said sharply before storming out. He took a deep breath once he was outside, pausing for a moment to remember which way he’d come from, but was off down the street quickly. Maybe a minute later, he heard her call his name. He kept walking, unwilling to look back. He was here, in the present, which had been a pretty good place before. 

Salia called him again, her footfalls sounding like running. Kanan turned around with some resignation and she ran into him. He stumbled back just a bit, putting his hands on her elbows reflexively. She blushed and pulled herself away from him. 

“I’ll never see you again,” she stated. “I don’t want to say goodbye like this.” 

Kanan was sure that whatever resentment he felt towards Salia would only get worse if they left it off this way. “You didn’t trust me,” Kanan said quietly. He looked down at the ground absently.

“I know,” Salia returned. “I’m sorry, again, I truly am.” 

Kanan looked up to her now, seeing some small flicker of hope in her eyes. 

“And you did save us,” Salia added. “You saved me, Baraga, and Sola. You saved Trigo from Kessel.” 

Kanan was surprised by how much of a weight that simple acknowledgment seemed to relieve. He clenched his jaw, unsure of what to say. 

“Thank you,” she said quietly. 

Kanan smiled gently and followed her lead. When she hugged him, he wasn’t exactly surprised, but he wasn’t sure about it. He refused to linger on the familiar, but strangely new feeling of her body on his. He patted her arms uncomfortably and Salia pulled away, chuckling at herself. 

“Sorry,” she said with some embarrassment. 

“No,” Kanan said scratching his neck. “I get it.” 

“So this is goodbye, then?” she asked, that hope remaining in her now shining eyes. 

Kanan pursed his lips and then nodded. “Yeah,” he told her. There were wounds in their relationship that he thought would likely never heal. And besides, she knew too much about him. It wasn’t that he couldn’t be attached, he’d given up on that Jedi teaching long ago with Salia’s help. No, it was that he needed to not be “the Jedi” with whoever he chose to be with. He wasn’t one anymore and it would just be better if no one ever knew. Salia knew and Kanan suspected that that ship had sailed for him anyway. 

Still, the temptation to try again remained. Her face was bright and warm like when they’d met and their happy times. She had dealt with the trauma well, as far as Kanan could tell. Maybe--

_ No, _ Kanan thought, remembering the months of resentment he’d felt towards her after leaving Rori. 

He shook his head, meeting her eyes. “I gotta keep moving,” he explained. Not exactly true, but not exactly false, either. 

Salia nodded, looking down to hide her disappointment. “Good luck,” she wished him quietly, looking back up, her voice shaking slightly. 

“You too.” He took one last look at her big hair, beautiful face, and bright qukuuf and then turned and went back to the ship. 

  
  


Sometime later, Vanda found him drunk and laying down on the acceleration couch. “That bad, huh?” she asked with a smirk. “Where’d you get all this liquor?” she added, not expecting an answer. 

“Do you have any info on shipping jobs that are  _ less _ intersystem?” Kanan slurred slightly, sitting up and bracing himself against the small table there. 

Vanda sighed, sitting down near him. “We’d hate to lose you, but the Gorse-Cynda mining companies are always looking for people,” she told him. “I could put in a good word.” 

“That’d be great,” Kanan agreed, a finger wagging off of the bottle of blue liquid he was holding. “Now, where is  _ Gorse _ ?” 


	6. Epilogue

“And then you met me?” Hera asked with her arms folded from the pilot’s chair. 

Kanan shrugged with a groan. “I mean, I was on Gorse for kind of a while…” 

“And there were other girls, I guess?” she asked with a smirk. 

“One or two,” Kanan said scratching his neck and hoping she wouldn’t ask for more details there. He was definitely lowballing that one. 

“So, why me, huh?” Hera asked, touching a few buttons and controls as they got ready to come out of hyperspace, to the next job. 

Kanan furrowed his brow. “What do you mean,  _ why you _ ?” Hadn’t he made things clear? 

“I saw you, Kanan,” she began, turning to him again and gesturing with a smile on her face. “You didn’t want to stick your neck out for anyone, but you did. You didn’t want to settle down with anybody, but you are now. You didn’t want to tell anyone your past, but you told me.” She raised her eyebrows with a question. “What was it about me that changed all that?” 

Kanan tried to be introspective for a moment. “I don’t know,” he began with a sigh. “I heard your beautiful voice and forgot everything, I guess.” It was true that her voice had been the thing he’d been drawn to before anything else. Well, he’d seen and loved the Ghost first, but he considered that a different relationship _. _

Hera laughed and turned back to the controls, coming out of hyperspace now. “Yeah, there’s gotta be something else,” she said. “I’m not buying that answer.” 

Kanan chuckled, pressing the controls to cloak  _ The Ghost’s signature  _ and get them to the Garel spaceport without being noticed. “Maybe you just don’t know how good your voice sounds.” 

“No, I do,” she responded with a smirk. She pursed her lips. “I mean, it’d be hard to get anybody to open up again after that whole experience,” Hera explained. “And, yeah, we all have our trauma, but that was a formative time for you.” She looked over to him with her bright eyes. “I don’t think my voice, as nice as it is, could really fix all of that.” 

Kanan’s crooked grin spread across his lips. “Well, you’re not bad on the eyes, either,” Kanan added. He saw Hera roll her eyes, but she was smiling now too. Kanan chuckled. 

  
  


Kanan had stopped drinking, stayed with her for nearly a year, and continually stuck his neck out for other people--by fighting against the Empire. He was so far removed from where his summer job story had ended. Kanan thought he’d gotten worse between Rori and leaving Gorse, but Hera knew Kanan had been, deep down, still good then. And he’d only gotten better since she’d first seen him on Cynda. 

There was still one trauma he had not gotten over. Well, “one trauma” was the understatement of the year; it was  _ the  _ trauma. The feelings he’d been living with for years about his Master, the Jedi, and his rejection of the Jedi way of life. He’d done it to survive, he said. But she had seen the Jedi in action--in holos. She’d been personally helped by them. 

She saw now that accepting the Jedi mantle again would be deeply difficult for him, even if he wanted to. Salia had made it clear that it was his association with the Jedi that had been the problem, both in their failed mission and their relationship. Hera breathed a rueful laugh.  _ Funny,  _ his ability with the Force was what had made her take a harder look at him in the first place _. _ Still, she hadn’t wanted to push him into anything. 

But what if there was something she could do to help him back into those metaphorical robes? How much more good could he do in the fight against evil?

She heard him walking towards her now. She was in the cockpit, in her captain’s chair, the place where she felt most at home on  _ The Ghost. _ His hands on her shoulders made it feel more whole than it had been before he’d come along with her. She touched a hand to his and smiled. 

“I found a place outside the spaceport,” Kanan said. “It’s not too expensive and it seems like they have a lot of Rylothian dishes.” Kanan leaned down and whispered, “I know you’ve been missing meilooruns.” 

“I’m always missing meilooruns,” Hera agreed, standing with a smile. “So, a date?” she asked, picking a jacket up from off one of the back seats. 

Kanan nodded. “A date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Here's some info
> 
> I am working on two more novel-length fics. One is a sequel to A New Dawn. The other is an epilogue to Rebels, Hera's pregnancy being the main story point. 
> 
> Follow me on Instagram (aartyeah) for updates or for art of these characters from time to time.


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